Birdhouse In Your Soul

Stupid Things: Part 3

It's that time again, ladies and gentlemen. Time for me to bitch up a storm about stuidity and everyday life! Drumroll please-

1: Yahoo. Not much needs to be said here. I just hate them.

2: Free websites that ain't free. This one needs no further explaining. Consisting of one page that links to several other pages that are rife with popups and viruses, not to mention that the original site is free ONLY because it is an advertisement for 100+ not free sites. Should you be stupid enough to sign up for this site, you should in turn get a new Email account, as the one you are using will be full of spam in no time.
It's a form of Natural Selection. Anyone that signs up for these sites will inadvertantly pick up a virus or 2, and lose their computers, thus weeding out the idiots. On second thought, these sites ain't so bad after all.

3: Impatient Drivers. You know who you are, you assholes. Yeah, you're the guy that tails me on the freeway at 80MPH in a 55 zone. You're the lady that no matter how fast I go on the highway, you want to be withing 2 feet of my rear bumper. You are the asshole that, if I have more than 1 car length in front of me, and no cars behind me, you'd rather cut me off than wait the extra 3 seconds for me to pass. Way to be. I hope you all cut off a Semi one day and become one with your dashboards. Fuckwads. Nothing is so important that you need to be an asshole to everyone else. Wait your damn turn like the rest of the fucking planet.

4: Obsessiveness. Obsessions are bad, mmkay? I want you to keep that in mind, as I tell you that what I do is not an obsession, it's a hobby. (My art site, God.....) Obsession is when you can't watch a show on TV that you have looked forward to because your sister wants to record on one TV and watch on the other 2 different appearances by Kelly Clarkson. EVERY FUCKING TIME SHE'S ON! She went nuts when the new CD came out, and has recorded every fucking TV appearance since Kelly became famous. That, is an obsession. And it's unhealthy. I only add this because we all know someone like this, and it drives us nuts.

5: Hair Care Products. The point I'm getting at here is that all hair products are only there to sell each other. For example: "For best effect, use Bob Sweat Shampoo and Conditioner before using Bob Sweat Mousse, then finish the look by using Bob Sweat Hairspray for that jazzy look." I mix and match my stuff. It's called one part shampoo/conditioner (I use a 2 in 1 cuz I'm lazy) then finish off with whatever mousse or gel within reach. Comb till satisfied. Repeat every morning. It doesn't matter what you use, they all clean your hair and gunk it up again.

6: Physical Labor and you. I recently took on a job at a warehouse loading French Bread onto pallets so that they could be shipped to the store. (Store and warehouse shall remain unnamed.) The whole job was to take 30 lb. boxes and stack them 40 to a pallet, 2 pallets tall. Not hard, is it? Now for the recipe: Take roughly 15 tons (give or take 60 pounds, I'm not joking. I did the math on the way home) of french bread, add one 5'6" geek, stir in 2 15 minute breaks every 3 hours. Work for 8 hours. Repeat. I'll admit to being the pussy here, but I cannot throw 30lb boxes on top of each other over my head for 8 hours and only get 15 minutes to rest every 3 hours. (This looks like a math problem from the 6th grade) OK, the point is, if you are going to work your employees' asses off, give them an hour for lunch or something. Some of us need a little recovery time from that sort of work. I didn't even have time to smoke my damn cigarette.

7: Car designs originating from 2000~present: Cases in point: Pontiac Aztek, Honda Element, Scion xB, and most everything else that wants to look like a 4 year old's art project. Who the fuck buys these things? Who the fuck thought they looked good and why weren't they fired? I tell ya what people, if you drive one of those, you make the baby Jesus cry. Oh, and you get laughed at everywhere you go by at least 1 person. Generally, that person is me. On that note:

8: Wheels with more chrome than tire. "Yeah, dawg! Just gots me some new 18's! Check that shit, yo!" Yeah, check that ugly ass shit. It needs to be removed from society. Added to the ugliness factor is said wheel on a fucking Blazer. A BLAZER! COME ON! Get some fucking taste, you assholes. And don't get me started on Spinners..

And that, brings this to a close before the veins in my forehead pop.
To have faith in Darwinism, you must also have patience. Or a shotgun. Your choice.

~Baren.

Next post: To be determined....

posted by Baren @ 9:25 PM